|
|
Updated June 8th, 2008
Prologue
I live in one of the
beach cities in Orange County but Hollywood and Sunset Boulevards are only
an hour and a bit (on a good day) up the I405. I live alone now and I decided
to indulge something I have done in the closet for many years.
I had been cross dressing
on and off over the years with a secret stash of women's clothes. I did
the usual Halloween party in drag and loved every minute of it. My cousin's
wife thought she was embarrassing me when she suggested it but she was
really fulfilling a fantasy I had. In February, I dropped
into a shop called My Secret Place in Huntington Beach. A group of T-girls
meet there the second evening of Wednesday every month. I was not dressed
but I realized that here were a bunch of really nice people and not everyone
looked perfect. I wanted to go dressed and on July 2nd I spotted a message
on the "Meet Me At My Secret Place" Yahoo group. A promo for Pink Book,
a store in West Hollywood that caters to the transgender community. They
offered makeovers for $50.00. I had no idea if I could be made passable
so I figured that if a professional could do it, great. If not, I’d stay
in the closet. So I booked a makeover for July 4. However, they did tell
me that my foundation needed matching to my skin tone and I should bring
my own. So, I went to a nearby
make up salon in Orange County. Romaine Markus of London. I told her I
was doing a company function where we would be going as our secretaries.
Anyway, it turns out this salon is TG friendly and I spent a bunch of money
buying concealer, foundation, etc. at full retail. After all this shop
caters to the wealthy women of Newport Beach. July
4th 2003 In advance of this
I ordered a wig on the internet. Unfortunately, when it arrived I quickly
found out it was for someone with a smaller head size than me. I remembered
that a few months ago my daughter bought a wig in a salon on Hollywood
Blvd. If any place will be open on July 4th it would be places on Hollywood
Blvd. Just before my noon appointment at Pink Book, I found the shop. I
even found a parking meter around the corner. I told the lady that I needed
a wig for a West Hollywood Party. No problem. It was like she sells wigs
to men all the time. I got a beautiful reddish/auburn
wig that goes to the middle of my collar in the back. The exact length
I would wear my hair if I was a woman and I love the color. With a foam
head, tax and a wig cap, still under $60.00 I don't remember the
name of the place but it is on the south side of Hollywood Blvd., about
2-3 blocks east of Highland. Just look for the salon with wigs in the window. Anyway, over to Pink
Book for my noon appointment. I actually found a free parking spot on a
side street off Sunset. Things are looking up. I was dressed in a
patterned rayon blouse with women's red cord shorts, runners and beige
panty hose. Being in hose was no problem as I wear them outside under
shorts even when I'm going out as a guy. No one notices. Even the make
up artist didn't notice until I told him. Anyway I was there to see if
I could be made presentable or whether I'd be a hopeless parody and it
would be best to give up on the whole thing and stay in the closet. When I got there, I
met Dominique. He's a professional female illusionist. He makes a living
turning himself into a woman several nights a week and does an excellent
job. Have a look on the makeover photo. What do you think? Myself, I was stunned
by the result. Afterwards, I went
to a Ross store in Culver City. I had to make myself get out of the car
and walk right in just like I would if I had been dressing this way all
my life. As if it was the most natural thing in the world. I browsed the
ladies clothing and I bought a purse and a really nice sheer black skirt.
It feels like wearing nothing at all below the waist. There were hundreds
of people in the store but no one seemed to notice anything was out of
place. Even in some cases when squeezing down a narrow aisle and coming
face to face no one noticed anything odd or if they did they were darn
cool about it. A person could see when they were up close that I had far
more makeup on than the average woman. After all, who wears foundation
to shop at Ross. After all the only difference between Ross and a thrift
store is that the Ross stuff has not been previously worn. Ross stores
and thrift stores certainly look similar. The main difference is that most
thrift stores are neater. Mind you, when it comes
to passing, it helps that I don't have an Adams apple. Seeing one is usually
the easiest way to tell if what appears to be a woman is really a male.
By not having an Adams apple, by having what is essentially a woman's throat,
maybe I was meant to do this? Maybe likely my system did not release the
needed testosterone in the right stages of my development which is likely
one of the reasons I am doing this now. See my " Why"
page for more thoughts on this. At the Ross I had to
wait in line 15 minutes to check out and no one seemed to notice me there
and the cashier called me ma'am as casually
Now I have to work
on the voice. When I got home, I
wanted more!. I put on the skirt and a bright pink top. Even though the
whole thing was an experiment to see if I could do it, later that
evening I had to do something so I went for a stroll around a small mall
in Orange County. I was taken to be just part of the background.
My makeup was holding up very well, considering we started at noon and
it took until 3 before I left Pink Book. This is so cool. I had fantasized
about doing this all my life and it was so easy once I had my makeup done
right. Anyway, I've seen how a pro does it and I can be made to look presentable.
I'll never be sexy but I can be OK. Dominique had an interesting
technique for color blending. He uses a small circular plastic palette,
about 5" in diameter with a convenient finger hole in the center. Nice
and silvery too to help blend colors. While the one he used was of a band
he no longer cared for, I thought, "Someone has finally found a use for
AOL CDs". I finally took the
makeup off at 1 AM. Only after 9 hours and much of it in blistering heat
did it start to clump and come to the end of its life. My car does not
have air conditioning and I drove home in 80 + degree heat. However, to
stop myself from sweating, I would pour water down my back and rub it into
my legs. Even though the water was warm, the evaporation would actually
make me cold, stopping me from sweating and saving my makeup. I really didn't want
it to stop but the makeup only lasts so long and you can only go so long
without sleep. Besides, even if the makeup was still perfect one's beard
does not stop growing. Besides, sleeping in makeup makes such a mess on
your bedding. July
5, 2003 The next day, I had
to see if I could duplicate the professional job. I did as good a job as
I thought I could and went shopping at K-Mart dressed. I picked up some
facial cleanser, a pair of white shoes and some additional make up items.
It is so cool to be able to browse through the make up aisles and try on
women's shoes with no one looking at you funny. After going to K-Mart
I stopped in to see Romaine Markus (Romaine
Markus of London makeup salon). She did have to look for a minute before
recognizing me. She's a pro and she thought I did a great job. Make a note
that this salon will do a full professional make up application for $55.00
and the owner is TG friendly. I recommend going there to learn how to do
it right, specially now that Pink Book has ceased operations. In the Valley,
in Studio City there is another great store, specializing in the transgender
community, Countessa’s Closet
on Ventura Blvd. Countessa is such a dear. A wonderful person and super
supportive of us. After that I bought
groceries, en-femme, and I went to Fashion Island in Newport Beach and
walked from one end of the mall to the other and back, including a walk
though a fashionable department store. If anyone noticed, I sure didn't
notice them noticing. You just have to walk through as if it’s a perfectly
normal thing to do. And if someone makes me, as long they do not shout
it out to everyone around them, I don't care any more. Later on, I saw a notice
of a ladies night out in Orange the first Saturday of the month. Since
it was still hot I had changed to a spaghetti strap top that came in the
mail this morning (I just love Ebay) and my light black skirt from Ross.
I'd peeled off my panty hose by then because the heat had made them itch.
Anyway I headed up to Orange, even stopping for gas on the way. My, my
it felt strange, wearing this top with no shoulders and this filmy little
skirt that you can't even feel while you're wearing it. Then to go and
pump gas wearing just that! Anyway, I find out that while the mini mall
at the address given on the web site still had a sign saying "T SHOP" the
address is now a new Mail Boxes Etc. So, a little disappointed
I drove through a Green Burrito and was called ma'am yet again by the girl
working the drive through window. What a feeling! By now I had sort of
depleted my wallet and I needed a Wells Fargo ATM so I went to the Starbucks
in Old Towne Orange. This Starbucks is strange as it is in a Wells Fargo
Bank and while the bank may be closed, the Starbucks in it stays open much
later. The ATMs are in the bank and you get to them through the Starbucks. So I walked in, past
the barrista and the customers to the ATM. Then I realized I had forgotten
to remove my men's glasses when I got out of the car. I took the glasses
off for the walk back out which went smoothly. Looking at how women
dress nowadays, I was about the only one at the K-Mart or at Fashion Island
wearing hosiery and to tell you the truth my hair was nicer than 95% of
the women's out there. It is almost as if there is a good chance that the
better dressed women out there are more likely to be cross dressers. It
seems most women only dress up for a few events in their lives any more.
Spaghetti strap tops and jeans seem to be the norm otherwise. Cross dressers
seem to care more about how we look than most of the women. To really,
really pass, do we have to dress as crappy as most of them dress? I felt
a bit over dressed when I went out even though I was only wearing a basic
blouse and a $7.00 skirt from Ross. July
6 2003 Today, I put on my
face to time exactly how much time I could do it in. This is because
on Wednesday, I have a limited time to get ready to go the girls night
out at My Secret Place. I found out can go from drab to drag in 38 minutes
if my clothes are already laid out, my panty hose is already on and my
makeup is pre organized. However, I could not
waste the opportunity so I went to a Target store and bought some ladies
undies. However, you will not be seeing these
After that I went down
to the Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach and strolled out on Newport Pier
at sunset. I had my camera with me and a nice older gent even offered to
take my picture. I find if I talk in
a loud whisper, I come across as having a somewhat husky female voice.
However, I have not tried that on a lot of people yet. I even had
some drunken young men at the beach give me a sort of compliment. Sure
they were drunk but still, that's so cool. There is something
about walking about in a place like the Newport Pier wearing a filmy sheer
skirt. The feel of the light fabric as is swirls around your legs in a
warm Pacific breeze in summer has to one of the most sensual feelings.
I've never felt anything like it before in men's clothing. No wonder some
women wear light skirts. They know that anytime, when the breeze hits them
just right, they get this lovely caress around the legs that is an incredible
turn on. Not necessarily sexual but a real pleasure all the same. Actually most women
seldom if ever wear light swirly skirts either and so they would not get
to feel it either. A denim skirt is too heavy and shorts definitely won't
do. I guess if they don't know about it, like men don't, they don't miss
it. July
7, 2003 When I bought some
clothes on Ebay, with some of them also came some ladies pants. Many even
have zippers on the front. One pair were khaki and other than an elastic
waist band looked a lot like men's pants . So I wore them to work. Talk
about comfy. First of all, because women have bigger hips than men
for a given waist size, women's clothes are cut to accommodate that. However,
I find that the extra hip room overcomes the distortions I get in men's
clothes due to having a bit of middle age spread. Men's pants don't take
that into account and so whenever you sit down, specially getting into
the car, men's pants stretch tight across your butt, forcing your underwear
into the crack, where it stays while you're driving. Men's clothes seem
to assume that when you have a 38" waist that you are a big guy and your
abs are flat and you have no butt. Well, I'm not that big a guy, I have
a spare tire and a little bit of a butt. After 50+ years of pulling on
my pants and tugging to get them on right and getting r wedgies all the
time, I have to conclude that men's pants are not made for guys like me.
Women's pants may not be either but they come a lot closer to my body shape.
Besides, considering that 50% of the population cross dress (the women)
many women's pants are styled close enough to men's to do quite nicely. With the women's size
18 pants I find they have enough room that my underwear was not forced
into my crack. For the first time I can remember I did no have to adjust
my underwear before I could drive. You know what it is like trying to do
it in your car. You never do get it right. Talk about comfy, I think I'm
going to ditch all my men's pants. Even at work all day I have never been
so conformable in pants before. Also the fabric is smoother inside and
they glide on your legs much nice. I also discovered underwear
that fits me. All men's underwear I wave worn needed adjustment every hour
if not more often. It did not matter what. Jockeys, boxers, etc. I came
close with Hanes and Joe Boxer Men's String Bikini under pants. However,
every time I sat down the extra wide waist elastic on them, the very thing
that reduced the pressure on my waist would dig into my abdomen. When I
sat down in the car, I would have to reach in and pull the elastic up a
little in the front middle to get it out of a fold in my skin created
by sitting. Yes, I should not have this fold but I have been unable to
get rid of it. All this means is that this may not apply to you. Anyway, when I picked
up ladies undies at Target they had a Brand called Formfit. I got the Hi-Cut
style and I find men's and women's regular cut undies have leg openings
that are too small. I got size 8 which according to the size chart are
for women wearing size18-20 clothing and with 1 45" to 47" hip. These are
the most comfortable under pants I have ever owned. The cotton is so soft
and they never need adjustment all day. Specially when worn under panty
hose. You get them right in the morning and they are fine all day. However, I did not
yet have a pair of decent black shoes for the girls night out on the 9th.
I bought two pairs at K-mart that did not fit right. Payless only had chunky
shoes in size 11 and Target carried nothing over a 10. I went to Wal Mart
on the way home and I finally found a nice pair of size 11 sandals and
under $5.00. How do they do it? However, I was not en-femme but I
think I have totally lost my fear of being "read" and so I just go though
the checkout just as if I was buying guy stuff. The cashier never even
looked up as she rang them in or made the slightest comment. I guess she
gets guys buying women's stuff every day.
Since then I found
some very nice women's loafers. They fit me so well and are essentially
uni-sex style, I have worn them to work many times and when I need a dressier
shoe, like at trade shows I wear them with trouser socks over my support
hose. I finally found shoes that are comfortable, that fit me well and
where my feet don't hurt. Of course, this does not apply to anything with
a heel. I have no idea how women handle high heels. July
13 This was the next meeting
of the Alpha Chapter of Tri-Ess international. (
www.alphatriess.org/ ) A support group for cross dressers and their
significant others. I wore a pink flowered dress to their annual pot-luck
in Long Beach. All the other meetings are normally held in Burbank. I had
a good time. I went to a Smart and Final store (a semi retail food service
wholesaler), en femme, to buy paper plates on my way there. I met some
really nice folks and have been a member ever since and am now the club
treasurer. I left early though
because I wanted to check out the Club Girl Talk Now,
I am not much of a club goer. The cover was reasonable at $5.00 and I'm
not much of a drinker. My tipple was Red Bull on the rocks. After all I
had a 75 mile drive to get back home again and both the LAPD and the California
Highway Patrol is out in force in the wee hours of Sunday morning. The
last thing I need is a DUI while cross dressed, or ever for that matter.
I'm not much of a club goer because I installed night clubs in the 70's,
almost living in them and I'm all clubbed out but I was curious.
It was really cool when I had to recycle my Red Bull. The rule the other
girls told me, in California, is that you use the bathroom for the gender
you are projecting to others. So I used the ladies room for the first time.
Did my lipstick in the mirror and all that other girl stuff. The picture
above is of the Saturday night sidewalk scene in from of the place. To
give you an idea of how close I was parked, I was leaning on my car to
stabilize the camera so I could take the picture without a flash. That
and a little work with Paint Shop Pro and you get a usable picture. August
15, 2003 This is the day my
daughter was returning from spending the summer with her mother. She's
one of those who was then 16, going on 30. Very mature for her age. I was
to pick her up at 3 at terminal 6 at LAX. I was also going to meet -->another
T-Girl at a place on Santa Monica Blvd around noon that day for coffee.
This T-Girl was meeting me in boy mode and did not want the world to know
that this world famous research doctor at one of Los Angeles's most prestigious
hospitals was a cross dresser. But on the other hand he/she was desperate
to meet others. I went wearing the outfit on the left but with red shoes.
It was amazing how people on Santa Monica Blvd in the Westwood area just
walked right by as if everything was normal. Its almost as if I wanted
the world to notice and humiliate me. But no. I was spared my doom. As
if it is perfectly normal for an overweight middle aged, not specially
good looking woman to walk around in public. Oh yes. It is perfectly normal.
How can I be so foolish! Anyway, after a couple
hours of conversation, doc had to get back to work and I had to meet my
daughter at LAX. When she got out into the terminal, she called my on her
cell so I was able to time my drive by the terminal just as she was walking
out the door. When she first spotted
the car, she turned to look around as if to see if there was another one
just like it, not being driven by a woman. However, I saw that and tooted
the horn at her and snapped a picture of her jaw almost hitting the ground.
She climbed right in and her first words were: "I wondered when you'd finally
do it". I sort of knew she
would be accepting. She knew I wore panty hose to work all the time and
had done some cross-dressing a long time in the past. She and I also went
to a live production of Rocky Horror in Orange, California in June. Both
of us were wearing fish net panty-hose, her with a dress and me under a
short-all. Then, when the next
meeting of Tri-Ess came around in September, she went with me and to all
the rest of the meetings until she went of to college the following summer.
They still ask me there about how well she's doing. After all, she was
the test subject for the leg waxing demo one month. All of us had shaved
our legs before going. She had the hairiest legs of the lot of us. Now, I have no intention
of turning this into a blog. Just say that in her earlier stages Danielle
gots out about 2 times a month on average. Danielle has met several other
girls all the way from basic, in the closet CDs to both pre and post op
transsexuals. Danielle even hired one of them when an opening came up at
Danielle's employer. One observation though is that with very few exceptions,
the girls Danielle has met are either in a creative career or are a care
giver. When a new person walks into Tri-Ess, she is asked if she is an
engineer. I'm right about 1/3 of the time. We even have members who built
some of the Space Shuttle. Half of the members are engineers or scientists.
A lot of counsellors and medical workers too.
What
a rush. Then
on the 25th, Danielle and her lady friend, went to the movies
at Triangle Square with Danielle en femme. Go see Miss Congeniality 2.
Part of it features a bunch of cross dressers in Vegas. And it does not
make fun if them either. Well, a little but from a gay guy who dresses.
Its all in good fun. On the 27th, Danielle, who had decided
to spent the entire long weekend en femme, went out to do the laundry wearing
a red denim skirt and went out for Chinese food afterwards, ordering food
herself. Since
then, Danielle has just become a normal part of my life to the point that
other than work, where I am androgynous, I am Danielle. Does this count
now as towards a year of real life experience for the Harry Benjamin standards?
I’m not sure. By 2008, I'm only not Danielle when I really have to be.
Write to me with your
early adventures out. mailto:danielle_oc_ca@yahoo.com
as anything. I paid cash and did not actually say a single word other
than an um-hm. I passed!!!!! This is the ultimate goal of a cross dresser
and I passed. I think it helped that all I want to accomplish is to pass.
I don't want to be a glamour girl, I'm no
t
going for the hooker look or the femme fatale. I told Dominique that I
was going more for the Hillary Clinton look than Madonna. Not someone's
mother either but a sort of executive secretary, career woman look. Let's
face it, I'm on the far side of 40, I could not pass for younger than 40
no matter what and as a woman I'm somewhat overweight. On the other hand,
being overweight means that my clothes drape further out from the front
of my body, nicely hiding my "boy bulge".
in person or in the pix because that is not what this site is about.
However, when I go out again, I wdon't want a single piece of male apparel
on me. One of my sayings is "Either do it right or don't do it at all".
It was so cool browsing the ladies knickers and no one bothered me. Even
the male cashier was matter of fact about it. On the way out a political
signature collector tried to sweet talk me into signing.
they
have on Saturday nights at the
Lodge at 4923 Lankershim Blvd, North Hollywood
between Vineland and Magnolia. After stopping to say hello at Pink Book,
I went over there about 11PM. Parking was awful but just as I was going
to give up and go home, a spot opened up right in front of the place. I
even met some of the girls from Pink Book there.
By early 2005 Danielle is getting out almost every weekend. On March
19, Danielle parked in the parkade of the MGM Grand, walked the length
of the hotel, through the shopping area, right across the main lobby and
the length of the casino. Out across the bridge over Tropicana Ave.to
the Tropicana, across the next bridge over the Strip to the Excaliber.
Then back across Tropicana to New York, New York. Through the New York,
New York over the strip again to the MGM Grand, the length of the casino,
the lobby and back to the car. What a thrill ride. Then on the 21st,
Danielle parked in the parkade behind Treasure Island. She walked through
the casino and out the front door, right beside the pirate ships, in broad
daylight, at 1 PM, and out onto the Las Vegas Strip. Then up the strip
towards the Mirage, across through the main entrance to Treasure Island,
through the casino and back to car. There, Danielle, drove, en femme, all
the way back to Los Angeles. Stopping in Primm for self serve gas and buying
snacks in the gas station convenience store.